開場白2003-12-22 23:46:27
这是真的。
这是真的。
这是真的。
有个村庄的小康之家的女孩子,生得美,有许多人来做媒,但都没有说成。那年她不过十五六岁吧,是春天的晚上,她立在后门口,手扶着桃树。她记得她穿的是一件月白的衫子。对门住的年轻人同她见过面,可是从来没有打过招呼的,他走了过来。离得不远,站定了,轻轻的说了一声:“噢,你也在这里吗?”她没有说什么,他也没有再说什么,站了一会,各自走开了。
这是真的。
就这样就完了。
这是真的。
后来这女人被亲眷拐子卖到他乡外县去作妻,又几次三番地被转卖,经过无数的惊险的风波,老了的时候她还记得从前那一回事,常常说起,在那春天的晚上,在后门口的桃树下,那年轻人。
这是真的。
于千万人之中遇见你所遇见的人,于千万年之中,时间的无涯的荒野里,没有早一步,也没有晚一步,刚巧赶上了,那也没有别的话可说,惟有轻轻地问一声:“噢,你也在这里吗?”
摯愛心水
紅塵有我
LOST(2009-07-03)
破相(2009-06-16)
小感慨(2009-06-11)
生活在别处(2009-06-11)
有病(2009-05-26)
Last always co...(2009-05-22)
山东青岛的挨劈(2009-05-21)
Gossips on the...(2009-05-20)
尺素寸心
中博网友/2009-06-12
小感慨,大智慧。
中博网友/2009-06-11
welcome b....
月亮/2009-05-24
当老师真是个有意思....
中博网友/2009-05-21
虽是女子但还没到大....
厚道远/2009-05-15
头别你这是在唱歌还....
麦田/2009-04-27
太有才了 我得转....
麦田/2009-04-27
真好玩....
颜蔡/2009-04-18
姐姐。
好想念你。....
你是你的


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于千萬頭中走過 目中無一頭 今遇本頭 發香撩人
2009.07.03 01:23:00 
 LOST  

煞有介事的把计划像勾画蓝图般一条一条填满touch.
人却仿佛还附身在千秋大梦的主角里舍不得醒来。

每天睁眼便庆幸手机里未有deadline到来任何提示。
其实我也知道,假模假样的享受生活正是迷失的开始。
其实我也知道,行动力不够的,得加上我自己才是。
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2009.06.16 06:47:00 
 破相  

那个全家都觉得灵泛有趣我却没啥好感的小孩又朝我伸出了长长的指甲。
我讨厌这个小孩。自从某次嘿咻被这个小孩的哭声及他外婆的叫喊声给打断,我泛滥的爱心同情心在他身上便再也遍寻不到。
其实小孩都挺灵,天生知道倚小卖小,这些都是我使过的伎俩,于是早早的看穿了他们。
于是界限也划得很明确,我早拿意念向他们传达:从我者得我宠爱,否则统统非友即敌。

我尚来不及防备,那小孩往我身上一扑。
呲~~~只觉得疼,据说是距我左鼻孔下一厘米处的一块肉被他那长指甲给挖没了。
李小铁把眼神从电视里的快女转向我,嚷了一声---跌,出血了。
我不懂那声是怎样的语气,反正至少我听不出怜惜。

拿出镜子,出血了,破相了,眼泪在眼眶里打转了,俺拳头捏得叫,却是知道天时地不利,这一回合俺输了。
又听得旁边那人语重心长的一声“别个细伢子不懂事不算哒,国电啊子,你要跟别个哦死?!”
更牙痒痒的。玛丽隔壁。

可笑的是一家人仿佛都习惯了这样的场合,权当无视。这一点从那小孩亲姐姐的满脸伤就能看出。
我的脸是跌得不能再跌了,于是他爹让他过来说了声阿姨对不起。只是话音刚落又朝他姐姐脸上打去。
全家人还都挺乐。瞧这小孩多灵泛多可爱多有味,还会笑眯眯的讲对不起。

脑子里迅速翻回到他碰到凳子摔跤大哭,他外婆打凳子的那一章。
难怪俺爹从小教育俺,小孩在外头不听话,人家会说这小孩没教养。
谁教的???谁养的!!!一眼明了。

睡了一晚脸上还痛。破相了还不得不出门。
姓李的!!!要怪怪自己行动力不够。别怪我跟你冷战。
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2009.06.11 22:39:00 
 小感慨  

表象的不负责任或许是太过看中责任及完美主义的另一种表现形式。
话说得多说得诚恳的人并不一定就是说真话的人。
不同角度看问题就能得出不同解释和答案。真相或许是一个,或许就是多个。

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2009.06.11 01:48:00 
 生活在别处  


也不觉得回来有多么多么的好。至少不会有上次暑假回来始终抱有的那种对长沙毫不保留的强烈自豪感。
也不觉得过去的两年有多么多么的难。做了哪些不可思议的事。多么寂寞。多么孤单。

出机场,对看似毫无反应的小铁沮丧的讲,我就像一只意外飞出的小鸟又飞回到了笼子里。
直到到家,由于某些事,小铁莫名其妙的,恶狠狠的对我说,我不知道你回来是干什么的。

回来是干什么的呢?
酒很香,人很旧,也很好玩。
今朝有酒哪能不醉,于是索性即不患得也不患失了。
当然更懒得去想诸如“回来是干什么的”此类深奥的命题们。

只是再清楚不过。
原来生活真的是,始终是在别处的。即便以为自己活在了当下,也好好的。

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2009.05.26 21:10:00 
 有病  

这女的还真是有病
累不累啊
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2009.05.22 03:30:00 
 Last always comes the best   


For Miss Michelle

Thursday here at Fairmount School
Were really extra-neat.
For that is when we had Chinese
And it was like a treat!

Chinese customs,numbers,food,
Colors and names and song.
We learned it all from Miss Michelle
The months just raced along.

Now it's time to say good-bye
And thanks for all you've done.
And as you go, we hope you know
You sure made learning fun!

From
The Fourth Grade Classes
Of
Fairmount School
Hackensack,New Jersey


IMG_0189

 This school always comes to my favorite.
I'll never forget those people at Fairmount.
Especially the principles,the 4th grade teachers, Leslie, Ong taitai, Judy and Carol.

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2009.05.21 11:45:00 
 山东青岛的挨劈  

内个山东青岛的挨劈
内个山东青岛的挨劈

说你呢 大姐

能不来了吗
能不来了吗

这里不欢迎你
这里不欢迎你

该干嘛干嘛去
别没事找事瞎折腾
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2009.05.20 23:37:00 
 Gossips on the third  
 
I shared a teacher's room with Ms Lub and Son every Wednesday.Sometimes there were several conversations among us in the mornings. For most of the time, I preferred to be a listener unless they had something curious about China or my family.I'd learned alot from this community you know. People knows each other since it's not a big place. Especially you are the only Chinese teacher in the school district, for the first time, lots of Mr or Ms Curiosity's focused on you. Not for the good things, not for some help, just for gossips. Once you say something to someone, the whole community will get to know it all right after two days.(like once I'd explained them my boyfriend would be here,then almost everyone said to me after several days---"Congrats,michelle, you are getting married"~$%#@*(&)

However, I like to listen to the conversations between those ladies. This room is the only one place I can feel something real and true. Not all things are nice and amazing. Not all people are kind and outstanding. They became happy when their classes got cancelled. They got angry even cried when talked about those tough family issues, got unfair treat from mother-in-laws... They talked about some ridiculous things around, some weired principles, teachers. Bravo~they just felt the same way as me.

Ms Lub is very funny. She always likes to show off her adorable 2-year-old granddaughter,or her husband who's one of the 10 famous lawyers in this state. Everything happened in her family you could directly know from her tells. Son is very nice and beautiful,who likes dance with her sons and her second husband almost everyday, who always takes good care of me. I still remember she once took me to a "Chinese" market (the chinese market she thinks, actually is a thai food market.) and let me pick some authentic chinese food for her family to try.She's just like a little girl who's always curious about everything and wanted to try something new. 

I will miss them,definitely.   

BTW I've got a surprise party, a nice bouquet (he said he always prepares the best for me) and even 3 kisses one after another from the principle...ah!!!
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2009.05.19 23:03:00 
 Second day in Parkers  

Really exhausted last night.Kept in and out of different kinds of struggling dreams. Badly sore throat. Something wrong with my tonsil and I know that could be one of the symptoms.

So...focused on myself too much...nearly forgot today's a dismissal day till Alice told. Great! Great! Get sometime adjusting though still couldn't avoid those soulful hugs and kisses. How many times "thank you" repeating is enough for showing how grateful you've been?!

Ms SR showed her unhappy and worried on her face this morning coz she didn't get the permission from the principles.I guessed so.&%#%$#@ Should ask Mr Woj for help probably. That is a really talented class I've ever met and Ms SR is always nice. I should help that out.    

Anyway I'd better lie down as soon as I get home. God bless the self-curing thing. Otherwise I'll be isolated once I get out of the flight. Maybe even worse..get my profound experience in visiting Americanized hospital for the first time in my life.  
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2009.05.19 00:03:00 
 First day for the last  

The first day for the last week.

I've been overwhelmed by hundreds of kisses,hugs,blessings from morning probably till night. I'm suppose to be "attacked" by more than 300 whoever in the coming last 3days.Just think about me,seriously. Can anyone,dare anyone get higher risks than me for suffering from the swine flu ?!!! 

That reminds me a gossip. Why the US gov neither cares much about the disease nor separates sufferers from the normals? Coz it is in the states. They have to respect and protect people's "human rights" as they always do. No one should be separated from his/her community due to the swine flu, even the aids. However,why the Chinese gov treats such a little thing in a extreme nervousness? They want to divert people's attention from the June someday Anniversaries. 

Gossip, gossip, just gossip~~~~~  

Kids are as happy as expected by drawing for different kinds of Chinese gifts. My favorite voices kept spinning around. "I love China!!""China is my favorite.""China is so awesome...it's sooooooooo beautiful!!""I have to go there someday.""I wish I could be born there.""I wish I'm a Chinese."... Those definitely made me sentimental. I hate to realize that it's the right time to say goodbye to those voices, the best, sweetest, purest voices never ever.

Teachers are excited for me as they thought I should be in a really high mood for being back home.But who knows actually...maybe half half...maybe more unexpected than they could think...stay just a little longer is not that bad for me right now you know...I'm used to go to the opposite...as some critic saying ---not a big deal, you just wanna show off your unique.

Subtle, subtle, just subtle~~~~
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2009.05.18 08:48:00 
 Surprised me successfully...  

IMG_0120

IMG_0118

IMG_0125

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2009.05.16 09:12:00 
 插曲太多  

本是重温《落跑新娘》,温到一半不到,有人插播小广告---欣赏下某色影师的作品。
好吧。拿来的就是第八页。罢,从八页往前翻翻,再往后翻翻。挺有感觉,还行,有些商业,总之音乐还不错。
好吧。其实看得不认真,怕人上纲上线,我真不是伪业内人士,我还是被拍吧。
好吧。又翻出当伪麻豆时被拍的作品,这比对那比对。还死抱着对我的色影师的第三次承诺周末交片的第三次信任。
好吧。再拉回来,字里行间还有些发自肺腑的小文。又遗憾的想到秦同学当年萌发出摄影集念头时的冲动相邀。

好吧,那就从头来,从欢迎光临新浪博客起吧。
好吧。我承认我有些小喜欢了。按时间顺序扫下来,从那初初的迷茫稚嫩悬而未决,到之后的轻车熟路,看那些如今有些大气有些诡异甚至商业的片子,三年的可谓之的蜕变,美女色影师算是达到了质变的境界。所以吧,人总习惯先入为主,千万记得给人推荐东西时顺序很重要。我就是一关注过程的人。我看行。

那么好吧。说起顺序及过程,我又想到了芝加哥的遗憾。要先去了汉考克,之后再行云流水的有的放矢。那又有多熨帖。
那么好吧。我算是又回到了原点。又想起了芝加哥没去的镜头店。想起了n天前g童鞋的勤劳。想起得去bh例行查看一下。
那么好吧。哦活活~~50 1.4竟然到货鸟!!!!!!!!

那么好吧。我的对好片肤浅的认识至发稿时止已修改成:
色影师特立独行的思想。
拿钱堆来的好设备。
无穷无尽的烧片数量。
技术性后期修改。
如虎添翼的文字。

唉。还是得嗟叹一下。
人脸怎么就那么小呢。人胳膊腿怎么就那么细呢。
唉。

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2009.05.16 02:50:00 
 in her shoes  

[The Art of Losing]〈One Art〉◎Elizabeth Bishop (1911-1979)

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something everyday. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther:
Places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look, my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, and it wasn't a disaster.

─Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

 

【I Carry Your Heart With Me】----by e. e. cummings

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) 

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2009.05.15 13:56:00 
 不厚道  

每次跟易小姐生气,我就觉得我是当妈的在为女儿操心。

告诉她冷暖自知吧,她就点点头准备去知。
跟她讲飞蛾扑火呢,我都仿佛可以看到她伸长脖子去扑的样子。
讲也讲不听,拖又拖不走,最后还要来找你哭,那叫一个烦躁。

可即便是愿打愿挨的事,我还是想破口骂人。
不怪挨打的太天真,只怨打手水太深。水--太--深--呀。
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2009.05.10 12:11:00 
 不诉离殇  

我会更愿意买上百合独自去为她庆祝每一个生日。
更愿意享受在祭日赶去只为擦照片那一刹那的对视。
更愿意鬼门关时跟她们一起烧房子,烧衣服,烧钱纸。
更愿意清明节陪父亲一道去探望,当作一个仪式将它完成。

独独最害怕过这个节日。甚至每年都恶毒的企盼人们能忘掉这一天。
我害怕商场提前若干天就高高挂起的标语,横幅,照片,温馨广告。
我害怕所有人都把签名档和博客改成如出一辙的问候与祝福。
我害怕大家的高谈阔论。害怕有心人的小心翼翼。更害怕得再花上一万遍去向say sorry的人解释为什么你们都有妈妈而我的丢了。
我不是祥林嫂。我也不愿意是。

爱或恨,我从来都认为那是我一个人的事情。
你说我坚强吧,我倒希望你骂我冷血。
你说一切都是可以理解的吧,我宁愿你批评我很任性很自私。

可还是得说,母亲节快乐。
其实最开心最期待的依旧莫过于每次梦里与你相见。
欢乐如往常。醉笑陪君,不诉离殇。
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